she woke up with a sticky ear
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
