dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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