We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
