if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
