So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
