I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
