My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
