I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
