Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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