I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
