This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
