Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
