we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
