Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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