Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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