Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do vagina's smell?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
