I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
