They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
