I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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