i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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