I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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