Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
