Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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