i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize