brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
