I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
