you guys were way drunker than both of me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
