You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
