it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
