I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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