I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
