SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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