I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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