we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
