Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
as a side note pls kill me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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