There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
