am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
