You just made me feel so damn special
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
