did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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