With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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