I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
