oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
