ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
