Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
