...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
