Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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