I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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