If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
