I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked a lego.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
