Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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